so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
