oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
