I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
