I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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