I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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