Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
