I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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