almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
