here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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