i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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