good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
