Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
