his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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