we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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