Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
