i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
