So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Screwed.edu
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
