ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
