the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
