Are we in a gay sports bar?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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