I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can you bring me the toilet please
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize