It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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