I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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