Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
