Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
