I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
