I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
