strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
