well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
