so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
