Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
