So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
