why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
