So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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