I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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