What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
