He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
