I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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