Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
