How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
