i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
