Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize