We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
