I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
