how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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