Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
