he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize
