He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
