if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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