How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
