Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
