Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
