Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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