haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
