I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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