I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
