I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this hospital has no fireball
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
