This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
