Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
