Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
