My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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