Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize