in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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