I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
