i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
