checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
how drunk are you?
Several
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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