I want to stick my p in your. b.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
