I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
