So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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