maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
