I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
