i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
