i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
