so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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