Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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