guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
