im having a threesome with these popsicles
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
