margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
