I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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