I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
