my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you win again, gameday.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
