yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
