It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
