Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
