does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
