I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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