I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
