dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize