We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
