im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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