I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
