I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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