I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh god it's open bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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