What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
