So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
