it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
