The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
