there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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