Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
