I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
