shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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