my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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