remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
