She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
