in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
