OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
