we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
