Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
