I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
