So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
