I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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