So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
