We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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