i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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