Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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