just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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